Toxic Positivity - Shadow beneath the Bright Side

PROLOGUE

Negative feeling hinders one's ability to prosper and progress in life. You might have also experienced this when everything is wrong in this world and nothing is worth pursuing. "What's the point of life?"- you ask yourself. No matter how hard you try but it is difficult for you to burst out of that bubble of insecurities. Many people have this sense of discontent swelling up inside them. Ask yourself if you have never felt inferior to your peers or that moment when you look up in the mirror and ask yourself "Am I that good enough?".

This feeling of incompetence is one of the root cause of why people resort to self-help. Self Development has a nice lure to it, doesn't it? It feels good to have full control over your life. It makes you feel like you are progressing. Like you are maturing while everybody is indulging in party and leisure but you are working on yourself. It feels great, doesn't it? You feel better about yourself, don't you? And this is when you become blind to the traps that lie and wait.

The world of self-development will change many things for you, but there will be some glaring issues. Issues that you will come face to face with. And let this prologue be a warning for those of you who have been looking for ways to make your lives better.

Now get ready to sit back, relax and join me as we dive into the Toxic World of Self-Development.

The Beginning

It begins with your emotional turmoil. You might be feeling upset and want to improve your life. Maybe you've had enough of 'having enough'. Do you want more happiness? Wealth? Do you want to be liked by everyone? Do you want people to notice you more? You might want to prove 'them' wrong, people, who do not believe you can achieve something great.

The biggest reason for someone wanting to improve themselves is because they have an underlying feeling of dissatisfaction. If you are in the world of Self-Help then ask yourself, do you have this feeling or not?!

Another big reason why people dive in the self-help world is that they have self-doubt. Sometimes, a little bit of confidence is all that is needed. People want acceptance of who they are and what they do.

But you should also know there's nothing wrong with that sentiment to change your current situation because you are unhappy with it. And in my view, everyone should work on themselves. You should not have that feeling of guilt that you didn't try everything. However, you should tread with caution as the self-help world looks amazing but its also treacherous.

Most of the Self Help Books, Internet 'Gurus', Motivational Quotes that you read on Instagram or Facebook, Affirmations that you listen, promote the positive side of Self Development. No one tells you about the other side of the coin.

Every time you read a self-help book, every time you browse social media or you watch a live video of your mentor, YOU feel incredible. You will feel confident and motivated than you've ever felt before. "This is it!" you will tell yourself "This is what my life had been missing!". You feel like you have just finished a level of a video game and your character just got leveled up. You start reading book after book, watch video after video and just like that 'YOU ARE HOOKED!' Self Development consumed you.

Let me clear that you have not achieved anything by now. You will only be Visualizing your goals, you will read more, you will exercise more, you will hustle more. Everything will be perfect. At least that's what you and people around you will think. In reality, you have gained nothing.

The Addiction

Self-Help makes you feel good and there's no doubt about it. There is this amazing feeling of self-satisfaction. The more you dive into this world the more your thirst for it grows. After every book that you read and video that you watch there is a surge of dopamine inside your brain. You feel incredible and motivated. Then there is this irresistible sensation to go on Amazon and buy the next book. This cycle would repeat itself over and over again.

If you still don't see the problem then we have to look at the addictive side of dopamine. The reason drugs become an addiction is not because of the thing itself but what the drug does to your brain. Self Help takes the form of a drug. And that rush of dopamine is what gets you hooked!

The Illusion of Progress Blinds People

This leads to Illusions… The Illusion of Progress. After every Self Help Book, you read, you feel accomplished. After every video you watch, you feel accomplished. After every seminar that you attend, you feel accomplished. You feel like you have done something great and that feeling lingers in your system urging you to buy the next book, attend the next seminar, watch the next video. It is only when you take a second to pause and reflect when you realize 'Nothing Has Changed'.

This is called Action Faking. There is a gigantic difference between Taking Action and Faking Action. Taking Action is when you go out and instead of watching some stupid video or read a book, you take action, you take the initiative to change your situation to improve. An Action Taker is not afraid of failure rather takes it as an excuse to learn from it.

Whereas, Action Faking is doing things that make you think you are progressing when you are not. An Action Faker will keep making false promises and excuses. An action faker acts as if he/she is hustling day and night to reach their goals. They read the books, but never really put any of it to action. Some examples of fake actions are when you read about business rather starting one or when you create a schedule and call it out as a day's work. You trick yourself in thinking that you are actually making success. Action Faking is an even more lethal form of Procrastination.

This concept of Action Faking is greatly described in 'The Millionaire Fastlane' and 'The Unscripted' by MJ Demarco. Those are one of the best books that we recommend at OpiNiva if you want to propel yourself in your career and life.

So let this be your first warning, you don't have to read every book, you don't have to buy every online course, you don't have to follow everyone. When you consume too much of content then your time for reaction or action that needs to be taken is postponed. This is the first trap that people get themselves into and has dramatic consequences, an empty wallet, whole bunch of temporary motivation and a gut-wrenching feeling in the back of your mind that you haven't achieved anything. But behind all this, there is something far more sinister. Your constant purchases and consumption of self-help content is fuel for a billion-dollar industry. Someone is profiting, someone is always winning.

The Sinister Business of Selling Hope

There is something you might not know. The self-help industry is estimated to be worth 13.6 billion dollars with 5.6% average yearly gains. To put it simply: people are making a hell lot of money out of your sufferings. The sale of books, seminars, online programs, podcasts, blogs, coaching and live events comprises of the main mediums used. But the question is how does this matter?

Selling Hope Is Easier Than Selling A Pen

Well when you enter this self-help world, you will be greeted by some 'Gurus' who will become your mentor. People don't think much before spending thousands of dollars on buying their books, online programs. This is the reason people keep consuming their content with a smile on their face and the familiar feeling of artificial motivation. These Gurus never ask for money instead, they will sell you some of their products and you will buy them, thinking it is beneficial for you. Because of the fact they don't ask, you won't suspect.

Secret Community of "Self Developers"

People see the self-help world as a secret community where individuals are looking to better themselves. You might think that everyone makes money and what's wrong if the gurus make some while on the way. You might say they give you soo much in return, "They were trying to make my life better". Pause- this is where you are wrong. Your naive approach towards this billion-dollar industry becomes problematic. Because most of you can't decide whether you actually need those courses, books or those online programs.

You Feeling Discontent

 

You have to understand that "You are more profitable to the self-help industry unhappy and discontent than you are happy and content". Remember how you entered the realm of self-help, your feeling of dissatisfaction towards yourself. The Industry of Self Help knows that in fact, they rely on your feeling of inadequacy.

They know how much addicting is self-help. The combination of you feeling incompetent and you getting little high every time you consume self-help content, make you an avid consumer of the self-help industry.

Then you fall into the trap of "The Next Big Thing" or "Your Secret to Success", these expressions just enhance your consuming instincts. They will continue to make products and their own self help addicted fan base urge to produce more and more products. And as you continue consuming thinking to yourself "This time things are going to be different", while your wallet continues to suck up and you never truly find yourself progressing or improving. All you have done is, become a consumer of the self-help industry.

So here comes your next-warning, the self-help industry is big business. They are relying on your feeling of not being content. As long as you feel sad about yourself they are not going to stop. So remember, question the real value about the products your Gurus are selling.

Toxic Positivity

People feel amazing when they discover self-help. In that first year of knowing it, the amount of confidence you gain is unparalleled. You feel happier than you have ever been. You don't look back anymore. The old, lonely, wanting to be noticed by everyone else version of yourself won't be there anymore. You feel like someone new. "I will be successful" is what you will tell everyone.

The Bubble Of Positivity

Self Development is like a bubble. When you are inside this bubble you are surrounded by positive message everywhere. "You will be successful" is what they tell you and make you believe. You are told to block every negative thought in your mind. Like every other bubble, this will also burst.

At that moment, it feels like the world is turning upside down. From perfect to disastrous. It is more harmful as people don't expect and don't understand this sudden change. The irony is you will start giving up on life whereas, and self-help taught you to never quit. You vowed to be this person who is destined to be successful but now that your life began to falter you are left with this deep sense of dread and doubt.

In the bubble of Self Development, you are compelled to believe that negative thoughts are wrong as you are surrounded with positivity from all directions. This over positivity clouds your judgement if something is counteractive for you. The thing is people think if they accept their feeling of unhappiness then they will revert back to being their old self. It is really hard to accept the truth. What you have to understand that it is okay to be 'not okay'. There will always be a struggle. You have to realize that 'Actual Meaningful things are created through STRUGGLE'.

The Hustle Culture

You have heard people saying that "Rich people don't sleep 8 hours a day" or "Work like Hell" or "Work Hard" or "I'd rather hustle 24/7 than slave 9 to 5". In this world of Instagram Entrepreneurs and Fake Gurus, a whole new culture has been formed and runs deep-rooted within the self-help industry. 'Hustle' has become a buzzword especially for those who show themselves as being productive every single second of their life.

Working Harder than Your Limits

Now let me be clear I am not saying that working hard is not a good thing if you want to be successful. Whether it is a crowded market or relatively new domain, 'you have to put efforts'. The problem of Hustle Culture is 'Working Hard for the sake of Working Hard'. It is like sounding you are busy and working towards success even though you are not achieving anything. It feels good to pretend that you are hustling. But I can guarantee you people who are bragging about success online, are doing a whole lot of more things that they don't want you to know.

Working Hard is just one piece of the puzzle, working hard on the right thing with the right strategy is the other piece. Working hard on the right thing is very crucial to know. 'Smart Work is what is needed alongside Hard Work. For example, you might be working on a fitness blog, regularly updating and posting. But your chances of going somewhere are slim to none. There are thousands of fitness blog on the internet. You have to know which domain is profitable to start with.

Hustling keeps you attached with the idea that working hard encompasses everything it takes to be successful- it doesn't. Its a facade, the darker side of the self-help industry rely on you in believing the illusion of progress to stay profitable.

Conclusion

I realize that this article probably has left some of you a little confused about what you should do and what advice you should follow. Obviously, I am not a prophet but I can give some advice that was really helpful to me. I have listed some of them here, you can try these out with the best of your knowledge.

·     Eating a healthy and nutritious diet.

·     Sleeping early and waking up earlier.

·     Going to the gym and keeping myself fit

·     Taking out time for my friends and family and increasing my interaction with them.

·     Meditating

·     Setting up realistic goals and writing them down for the weekend, or the month, knowing that completing them is not impossible.

·     Reading books that are actually practical like "The Millionaire Fastlane" and "Unscripted", both by MJ Demarco.

With that being said, I don't think there's any more reason to prolong this article. But if you still decide to go down this road of Self Development, then let this article be a warning for you, so that you are aware of the traps that lie and wait on this journey of yours.